The film opens with a shot of the broken city, an apt
metaphor for the psyche of many of the characters at this point. We then see
Shinji, broken and afraid, gazing out at the endless expanse of water that was
his home. Just previous to this Shinji was forced to kill Kaworu, the only
person who had ever said they love him to his face, as well as the only person
he ever admitted to loving, though admittedly after his death. Not only that
but he turned to what is essentially his mother figure for some guidance or
reassurance that everything would be alright and she managed to say just the
wrong thing.
Misato did
not understand what Shinji was going through because she was too wrapped up in
her own grief and self doubt, as well as her dogged determination for revenge
which she had finally fulfilled, but was distraught over what happens next. She hates
the angels because she blames them for her father’s death though that was
actually the cause of humans, their pride and greed dominating over common
sense. Misato believes herself a survivor, and that anyone who gives up his own
life deserves nothing.
Shinji’s
last line was indicative of this, as he says she ‘is cold’ and he then descends
into the realms of deep depression as he realizes his surrogate mother has
disregarded his love and by proxy disregarded him. Presumably he has stood at
the same spot since she told him this and has considered who he loves and who
he is loved by, which leads him to his bastardised expression of love in the
next scene.
Shinji has
three primary relationships with women throughout the film and show, there is
the faux mother relationship with Misato which will be discussed in more depth
later, there is the utterly alien relationship with Rei, and there is what is
closest to a typical relationship with Asuka. At this point he believes Misato
has effectively abandoned him, and Rei terrifies and confuses him because he
has seen her numerous clone bodies. At this point all he has is Asuka, at least
in his own mind, but unfortunately she is in a coma.
Asuka’s
entire purpose in life was to fight; it gave her drive to live. She is in fact
incredibly fragile despite her fierce warrior appearance, and her inability to
fight off some angels had slowly driven her over the edge, until she was forced
to relive her worst memories by one of the angels, specifically Arael, the
angel of birds. It is somewhat ironic that Asuka is trapped in her own mind by
an angel embodying freedom and flight, especially that when given the chance
Asuka is unable to either fight or flight, and so shuts down. Later she says
she would rather die than be rescued by ‘that girl’, meaning Rei.
At the end
of this breakdown she says she hates everything as her Evangelion has betrayed
her as have her piloting skills, because for her being unable to pilot is
essentially defeat in terms of life. She had lost everything but the ability to
pilot, and it is slowly taken away from her as she grows more and more
deranged, eventually becoming unable to synchronize with her robot at all, causing
her comatose state. This is the person that Shinji goes to for help; because he
believes she is most able.
He enters
into her hospital room and begs her to help him, repeating ‘help me’ over and
over again while shaking her trying to wake her up. The image evokes that of a
young child attempting to wake up a dead person, though Shinji knows better, he
just can not stop himself. Asuka had frequently verbally and physically abused
him in the past as she was unable to relate to anyone in normal terms after
losing her parents at a very young age. This caused Shinji to constantly seek
affection from her despite being constantly reprimanded. Here in his broken
state he begs her to ‘Call [him] an idiot like you always do.’
By this
point he is looking for any acknowledgement of him as a person, something
Misato tried and failed to give him. He is physically touching her which is
more than he had ever done previously, but he is as far from her as he can be
emotionally. He sobs over her body as he tries to simply have a connection with
someone when he has cut himself off from pretty much everyone else, including
his father who had been the driving reason behind him fighting previous.
When he
sees her naked form he wants to connect with her in any way possible, but at
that point can see nothing but a sex object, and masturbates to her unmoving
state. After he finishes he stares at his stained hand and realizes that in
both their current states he will have no way to connect to her, and something
so crude as what he has done just seeks to exacerbate his current belief about
the world and everyone in it, which plays into the conclusion heavily. What
else he feels is incredible guilt over using her like this, and also for not
doing anything when they could actually connect.
This is all
the love he is to show her, aside from a determination to save her that
ultimately fails. The two have several other scenes throughout the film, with
the most important in the film being the final scene, them together again though
the circumstances are quite different aside from the incredible feeling of
loneliness even together. They are locked from the world, so far apart from any
sense of normality, locked in themselves in fact, apart even while they are
touching. This leads to Shinji’s line, “I’m so fucked up” indicating just how
far he has suck, losing all confidence in himself and in fact going so far as
to hate himself and everything that he has done.
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